A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
A Man and His Ostrich
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please," she says and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week.
"The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man. "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "But what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big, round butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say."
Okay, this might be a repost.
Ill try to remember the joke, and just fill out the greys =)
A farmer once had a chicken coop, but no cock to mate them with.
So he went looking for this cock. And he came across a man who sold cocks. And the farmer said he needed a VERY honry cock, viril and youthfull. For he had 25 henhouses with 50 hens in each. And he wanted them all to get mated with.
The man said he had the perfect cock for him and he sold him a pretty cock.
The Farmer took him to the hen house and the second he let the cock go the cock ran into the first hen house and did his thing. He did this all day, 2 or 3 hen houses a day.
The Farmer thought this was perfect. But as it continued he got worried that the cocks sex drive would give the cock a hearth attack.
But the cock just kept going at the hens. And when he had done ALL the hens in the farm, it started running after the geese. And the farmer got even more worried, and figuered the cock would die any day from exhoustion. One evning as he was going to enter his house he saw the cock chasing pigeons. And he thought to him self "any day now, that cock can't stay alive much longer at that speed"
When he woke up the next day and went to milk his cows he saw the cock lieing dead silent in the middle of the field. He felt sad for this silly cock. and went over to see if the cock was realy dead. He could see the voultures circeling the corps. The farmer went over to the dead cock and said "you silly silly cock, at least you went having fun." Then the cock looked up at the farmer and said "SHHH! your scarring away the voultures!"
"The Paramount Path of the Pale Proselyte Pegan is a Protracted Pursuit of Purification"-The Big M-
I played Classic until I was nearly level 60. It needs The Burning Crusade really for me though. I am lurking around Daggerspine again for a while, trying to get used to the changes lol
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