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Joke Thread
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| Mordekay |
Posted on 04-10-2007 12:19
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Member
Posts: 428
Joined: 17/02/2007 03:17
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A man walks in to a pharmacy and sais he wants to buy som birthcontrol pills for his doughter.
The guy working in the pharmacy looks at the man thinking like: thats a nice guy, buying that for his doughter. Just out of couriosity the pharmasist asks how old the doughter is. the man replies: well she just turned 5 last month.
The pharmasist:" Ur saying your doughter is sexually active at the age of 5?!"
The dad:"well i wouldn't say active, she kinda just lies there..."
"The Paramount Path of the Pale Proselyte Pegan is a Protracted Pursuit of Purification"-The Big M-
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| Lewsterin |
Posted on 04-10-2007 12:22
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Administrator
Posts: 1234
Joined: 06/08/2007 08:01
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AHHAHAHAH Morde 
Three men are stranded on an island and a tribe appears from no where.
The chief says to them, "Ungubunga or death."
The first guy asks the chief, "What is ungubunga?" and the chief simply repeats himself.
The first guy says,"Ungubunga" and the chief screws him and lets him go.
The second guy says, "Well its pretty disgusting, but I have a family." so he chooses ungubunga and gets screwed.
The third guy says, "You two are disgusting!" and chooses death. the chief exclaims, "Good choice death by ungubunga!" Three men are stranded on an island and a tribe appears from no where.
The chief says to them, "Ungubunga or death."
The first guy asks the chief, "What is ungubunga?" and the chief simply repeats himself.
The first guy says,"Ungubunga" and the chief screws him and lets him go.
The second guy says, "Well its pretty disgusting, but I have a family." so he chooses ungubunga and gets screwed.
The third guy says, "You two are disgusting!" and chooses death. the chief exclaims, "Good choice death by ungubunga!"
Lewsterin Kinslayer
Proud member of The Blade Order.
-Gunslingers! To me!
-We will be tested this day fellas! Prove or Die! |
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| Mordekay |
Posted on 04-10-2007 12:32
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Member
Posts: 428
Joined: 17/02/2007 03:17
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oki, one last joke 
3 men are stuck on a island and a tribe appears.
The chief sais. we will kill and eat u all if u fail this test of manhood.
first go in to the forest and pick 5 pieces of the same fruit and bring them back here.
Scared as shit the guys scatter in to the forest looking for fruits.
The first guy returnes and he has 5 apples, the chief sais: now put the fruits up your butt and don't make a single sound and your free, if not we will cook u!. So the guy starts.
1 apple,
2 apples,
3 apples and then he cryes out in pain!
so he gets thrown in to a pot of water.
The second guy comes back holding 5 grapes. and gets the same instructions.
1 grape
2 grapes
3 grapes
4 grapes,
as he is putting in the last grape he starts lauging like a crazy sicko so he gets thrown in the pot as well...
the first guy asks the second guy why he started laughing, he was so close to saving his life then he started laughing, he couldnt understand why...
the second guy said:
"well, i saw the other guy carrying around 5 mellons"
"The Paramount Path of the Pale Proselyte Pegan is a Protracted Pursuit of Purification"-The Big M-
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| Lewsterin |
Posted on 04-10-2007 12:44
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Administrator
Posts: 1234
Joined: 06/08/2007 08:01
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Ha ha ha so nice
Lewsterin Kinslayer
Proud member of The Blade Order.
-Gunslingers! To me!
-We will be tested this day fellas! Prove or Die!
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| strifie |
Posted on 04-10-2007 19:40
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Member
Posts: 221
Joined: 28/11/2006 10:09
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i translated this from dutch to english:
a couple is having sex and there kid is walking in the room. The parents are a bit embarresed and the kid asks: "what are you doing??"
the father explains: "you wanted a little brother, so where are making him" the kid asks: "how daddy"
the father tells his kid: "well I am putting flour in you mommy and its getting mixed and then you will have a brother in some time"
the next day, the father comes home and the little boy is crying and goes upset to his father. The father asks: "what's wrong son?"
the kid answers: "the mailman ate my little brother"
Strifie says: ''Chaos, Panic, Disaster. I Think My Work Here Is Done!!!''
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| stabbed |
Posted on 04-10-2007 20:18
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Member
Posts: 91
Joined: 07/10/2006 16:33
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funny time! : O
Why does a dumb blond sneak past the pharmacy?
She doesn't wanna wake the sleeping pills.
A dumb blond's boyfriend is cheating on her, and she finds out about it.
So she goes to buy a gun.
The next day she finds her bf lying in bed with the other girl, she takes out the gun and points it to her own head.
Her bf yells: NO, DON'T!
She yells: SHUT UP, YOU'RE NEXT!
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| Mordekay |
Posted on 05-10-2007 06:33
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Member
Posts: 428
Joined: 17/02/2007 03:17
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HAHAHAHAHA!
Thats so priceless 
"The Paramount Path of the Pale Proselyte Pegan is a Protracted Pursuit of Purification"-The Big M-
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| heijaangel |
Posted on 05-10-2007 06:44
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Member
Posts: 1403
Joined: 22/11/2006 11:19
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A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
What is SeX? SeX Is When A Boy Put His Location In A Girls Destination To Increase The Population Of The NeXt Generation. Do You Get My EXplanation? Or Do You Need a Demonstration?
There are 10 kinds of people. The 1's that understand binary and the 1's that dont. |
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| Lewsterin |
Posted on 05-10-2007 07:48
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Administrator
Posts: 1234
Joined: 06/08/2007 08:01
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Ha ha ha nice ones
Off to Vegas
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.
'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.
The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'
Lewsterin Kinslayer
Proud member of The Blade Order.
-Gunslingers! To me!
-We will be tested this day fellas! Prove or Die!
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| heijaangel |
Posted on 05-10-2007 08:06
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Member
Posts: 1403
Joined: 22/11/2006 11:19
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With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.
1. Viruses replicate quickly.
Windows does this.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
Windows does this.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
Windows does this.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
Windows does that too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
Same with Windows, yet again.
Maybe Windows really is a virus.
Nope! There is a difference!
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! Windows is not a virus.
What is SeX? SeX Is When A Boy Put His Location In A Girls Destination To Increase The Population Of The NeXt Generation. Do You Get My EXplanation? Or Do You Need a Demonstration?
There are 10 kinds of people. The 1's that understand binary and the 1's that dont.
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| Lewsterin |
Posted on 05-10-2007 08:22
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Administrator
Posts: 1234
Joined: 06/08/2007 08:01
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HAHAHA nice one
George w. Bush is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box.
Curious, he runs over to the child and says, "What's in the box kid?"
The little boy says, "Kittens, they're brand new kittens."
George W. laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?"
"Republicans," the child says.
"Oh that's cute," George W. says and he runs off.
A couple of days later George is running with his buddy Dick Cheney and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead.
George W. says to Dick, "You gotta check this out" and they both jog over to the boy with the box.
George W. says, "Look in the box Dick, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Dick what kind of kittens they are."
The boy replies, "They're Democrats."
"Whoa!", George W. says, "I came by here the other day and you said they were Republicans. What's up?"
"Well," the kid says, "Their eyes are open now"
Lewsterin Kinslayer
Proud member of The Blade Order.
-Gunslingers! To me!
-We will be tested this day fellas! Prove or Die!
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| Mordekay |
Posted on 05-10-2007 08:52
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Member
Posts: 428
Joined: 17/02/2007 03:17
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Oki, bout time we got some "yo' mama" jokes
yo' mama is so fat when she jump for joy, she got stuck.
Yo' mama is so fat that her blood type is chokolate.
Yo' mama is so old she sat next to jesus in the year book.
Yo' mama is so poor, i saw her on the street kicking a can, i asked her what she was doing, she said she was moving.
Yo' mama is so short you can see her feet on her driverslicense.
Yo' mama is so ugly that the last time she heard some one whistle at here was when she got hit by a train.
Yo' mama is so fat that every time she turns around it christmas.
Yo' mama is so fat that after sex when i roll over i am still on top of her.
Edited by Mordekay on 05-10-2007 08:53
"The Paramount Path of the Pale Proselyte Pegan is a Protracted Pursuit of Purification"-The Big M-
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| Lewsterin |
Posted on 05-10-2007 09:01
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Administrator
Posts: 1234
Joined: 06/08/2007 08:01
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Yo mama's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.
Yo mama is so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
Yo mama so old, I slapped her on the back and her tits fell off!
Lewsterin Kinslayer
Proud member of The Blade Order.
-Gunslingers! To me!
-We will be tested this day fellas! Prove or Die!
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| Mordekay |
Posted on 05-10-2007 09:18
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Member
Posts: 428
Joined: 17/02/2007 03:17
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Yo mama's so fat you where born with cheetos in your mouth.
Yo mama so ugly your father takes her to work every day so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye
Yo mama so stupid she tryed to put a food stamp in a pop machine
Yo mama so stupid she put a quarter in th parking meter and waited for a gumball.
Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gas money
Yo mama so harry, big foot takes picture of her.
Yo mama so harry, when she takes of here t-shirt she has a sweater underneath.
Yo mama so Fat a sumo wrestler said "aww, you let yourself go"
Yo mama so stupid she thought a quarterback was a refund.
Yo mama so bold u can see what shes thinking.
Yo mama so fat, back in school she sat next to EVERYBODY
Yo mama so fat I had to take the train and 2 buses to get on her good side.
Yo mama so fat, when it rains, a puddle form on her head.
Yo mama so stupid she ran into a parked car backwords on a bike with no wheels.
Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone
Edited by Mordekay on 05-10-2007 09:20
"The Paramount Path of the Pale Proselyte Pegan is a Protracted Pursuit of Purification"-The Big M-
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| heijaangel |
Posted on 05-10-2007 09:23
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Member
Posts: 1403
Joined: 22/11/2006 11:19
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Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
Yo mama so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.
Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!
Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.
Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!
Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
What is SeX? SeX Is When A Boy Put His Location In A Girls Destination To Increase The Population Of The NeXt Generation. Do You Get My EXplanation? Or Do You Need a Demonstration?
There are 10 kinds of people. The 1's that understand binary and the 1's that dont.
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| Lewsterin |
Posted on 05-10-2007 09:27
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Administrator
Posts: 1234
Joined: 06/08/2007 08:01
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There was a farmer working on his fence when a drifter stopped to chat.
The drifter told the farmer that he was awfully thirsty and asked if he could have a bucket to go get some milk from the milkweed in his field.
The farmer chuckled, and said,
"Hell boy, if you think you can get milk from milkweed, I'll give you two buckets!"
Shaking his head and laughing the farmer watched him walk down through the field.
He yelled for his wife to come outside. " Honey, there is a dumbass out yonder thinkin' he's gonna get milk from milkweed!"
The farmer's wife giggled,"There's nothing wrong with having an imagination."
The farmer started working on his fence again. About 30 minutes later the drifter came carrying two buckets of milk.
"I sure do appreciate it, sir. Some honey sure would be good with this milk. I see that you have honeysuckle over there", said the drifter.
Puzzled, the farmer said, "Well, now I guess you're thinkin' you gonna get honey out of honeysuckles."
"Only with your permission, sir.
Intrigued, the farmer hesitated, then went and got the drifter two more buckets.
The drifter went off through the field.
The farmer yelled for his wife to come outside again. "This milk here is a little hard to figure out, but I know good and damn well that boy's not gonna get honey from honeysuckles!"
Sure enough here the drifter came, with two buckets full of honey.
"Well, I'll be!", squeeled the farmer.
"If I could just trouble you one more time sir, then I'll be on my way... I see that you have some pussywillow over there."
"Wait up boy, I'm goin' with you!"
Lewsterin Kinslayer
Proud member of The Blade Order.
-Gunslingers! To me!
-We will be tested this day fellas! Prove or Die!
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| Titan |
Posted on 06-10-2007 22:04
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Member
Posts: 76
Joined: 05/09/2007 19:11
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Heres some from me
1.life is a sexually transmitted disease
2. good health is the slowest possible rate of death
3. men have two emotions: hungry and horny . if you see one without an erection make him a sandwich
4.give a person a fish and you feed them for the day : teach a person to use internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
5.some people are like slinkys ... not good for anything but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
6.health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing
7.all of us could take a lesson from weather. it pays no attention to criticism.
8 why does a slight tax rise increase the cost by 50quid and a substantial tax cut save you 50p
9. in the 60's people took lsd to make the world look wierd. now the world is wierd and people take prozac to make it normal
AND NUMBER 1
We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in britain.... but we havn't a clue as to where the thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the DVLA in charge of immigration.
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| Titan |
Posted on 06-10-2007 22:14
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Member
Posts: 76
Joined: 05/09/2007 19:11
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the parents of a boy at night heres a untha untha untha untha noise coming from his room. next morning the parents asked how it was last night. he said "it was great she used cream but i couldnt get her into the bed"
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| Mordekay |
Posted on 08-10-2007 08:22
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Member
Posts: 428
Joined: 17/02/2007 03:17
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oki, this is somewhat an oldie, gonna tell it as best as i can, cant remember it proporly tho.
there are these 3 ppl, they have died and ended up in hell for their sins.
One is gay, one is an alcholic and the last one is a greedy scotish gimp.
but hell is filled up to the rim so they get another chance to go to heaven, they have to quit their sins. The gay guy cant do gay stuff, the alcholic cant drink and the scotish guy cant be greedy.
So they end up back on earth, they deside they should stick togheter so they can help eachother out if the pressiure gets to big.
So they are walking down the street togheter and the alcholic spots a bar, but he desides its not worth it, but after a little while he sees this huge new bar with happy hour and all! he just cant stand it anymore so he runs inside, the second his foot hits the barfloor "PLOFF" he vanishes and goes to hell.
So then its the gay person and the scot left, and they walk down the street, and suddonly the scot sees a doller on the ground, but he desides to stay strong, but after a while he sees a 10$ bill on the ground, he is rly fighting the urge to pick it up and the gay guy tells him it aint worth it so he doesn't pick it up.. but then! the scotsman sees a 100$ BILL! OMG! his like, I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE MY EYES! 100$ WTF LIKE! So he bends over and picks it up; "PLOFF, PLOFF"
HAHA
"The Paramount Path of the Pale Proselyte Pegan is a Protracted Pursuit of Purification"-The Big M-
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| Lewsterin |
Posted on 08-10-2007 08:50
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Administrator
Posts: 1234
Joined: 06/08/2007 08:01
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HEHE oldies but goldies morde
A little boy comes home from school and asks his mother for some ice cream.
The mother is having a bad day and snaps, "NO!". The little boy turns and runs into his room.
After a minute, the mother feels bad she snapped and knocks on his door.
"Johnny, I'm sorry I snapped at you. Do you want to play a game or something?"
"Sure," Johnny replies. "How about we play Mommy and Daddy?"
"OK," says the mother. "How do we play?"
"You go upstairs and lay down on your bed."
The mother figures this is harmless, so she agrees and goes upstairs.
Meanwhile, Johnny rummages throught the closet and finds his dad's hat and coat. He digs in the ashtray to find a long cigarette butt.
After dressing and putting the cigarette in his mouth, he swaggers up the stairs.
There, on the bed, is his mother. Johnny marches in, walks up to the bed, and says, "Get your butt out of bed and get that kid some ice cream!"
Lewsterin Kinslayer
Proud member of The Blade Order.
-Gunslingers! To me!
-We will be tested this day fellas! Prove or Die!
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